Cover Art By Tango

By LadyKate

"He lied to save me.”

It was the first time Eve had spoken since the trial.

Xena, who had been combing her daughter's hair, still slightly damp from her bath, paused and exchanged a quick glance with Gabrielle; then her hand moved again, drawing the wooden comb through Eve's brown tresses in long mechanical strokes. She had suspected as much; something told her that Ares wasn't lying that morning by the brook when she asked him if the things he had said about Eve were true. She didn't want to think about what it meant to her that he told the truth. My daughter did this…

Eve twisted the long wide sleeve of her robe and gave a short, almost shrieking laugh.

"He must have really wanted to impress you.”

There was a new wrench of pain at that; and Xena wondered why it had never occurred to her before that Eve could be jealous. She had been so quick to assume that whatever feelings Eve might have had for Ares had been Livia's feelings -- as gone, as dead as Livia herself. But it was still Eve who lived with the knowledge that she had been dropped without a second thought, for her own mother. Yet another reason this thing between her and Ares should never have happened. Only it was too late to think about that.

All she could say was a soft, pleading, "Eve…”

Then Eve turned her head up, her face suddenly earnest, and all of Xena's concern about her daughter's feelings was swept aside for something more immediate: Eve wasn't out of danger yet -- she was about to put herself right back into it.

"I have to tell the truth," she said.

"No." Dropping the comb, Xena came around to stand in front of Eve. "You are not doing this.”

"Yes, I am." She began to rise from her chair, but Xena grabbed her shoulders, pushing her down.

"I said, no.”

Eve's eyes flared, and at that moment Xena could see her own fire in those eyes. Her fire, her guilt… what a strange legacy to pass on to her daughter.

"You forget, Mother -- it's my life. It's my death. It's my choice.”

"No, you forget." You forget that I already lost one child and I am not going to lose another, no matter what. "I am your mother -- I would die before I'd let them touch a hair on your head.”

"You can't protect me forever. I'm not a child.”

"You're my child." And I wasn't there to protect you when you were small. "I'll protect you as long as I can.”

"By letting -- someone else die for my crime.”

"He's not going to die," Xena said vehemently. She got down on her knees and grabbed Eve's hands almost violently. "Eve, listen to me. Nothing you say or do is going to make any difference to Ares. You go in and confess right now, and Varia will have you both killed if she can. She wants to go down in history as the Amazon queen who executed Ares, God of War -- you think she'll stop just because you tell her that it wasn't Ares who ordered the Amazons thrown overboard? Even without that, they had enough to sentence him to death. You go in there and hand yourself over to Varia, and I'll ... Gabrielle and I will have to worry about saving two people instead of one.”

"He's not going to die, Eve." Gabrielle, who had been busy making dinner -- Eve hadn't had a decent meal in weeks, and Gabrielle probably wanted to keep her mind off other things - finally spoke up. "I'm going to fight Varia.”

Xena's heart gave a guilty wobble: In her anxiety about Eve, she had almost forgotten about this. As if she hadn't pushed Gabrielle far enough…

"You don't have to do it," she said softly, trying her best to mean it.

"Yes, I do.”

"Gabrielle -- I could find some other way. After everything that -- “

"Let's not talk about it anymore, okay?" Gabrielle got a tray of baked apples out of the oven and winced a bit, maybe because the tray was hot. "I'll do it.”

Eve lowered her head and sighed, her resistance wilting. When she spoke again, it was in a quiet, hollow voice.

"So you're going to cover up a lie to save me.”

Gabrielle put the tray down with a bang. Eve jerked her head up, and Xena threw a sharp look back at Gabrielle, who pursed her lips and turned away.

"Eve." This time, she held her daughter's hands gently, the way she wished she could have done years ago. "There is no justice in what they're doing.”

"Why shouldn't I pay for my crimes?”

"How can you pay for anything if you're dead? You can do so much more good alive... If you lead that mission to Rome, and bring home the Amazons you enslaved -- then you'll pay them back." She squinted, fighting the tears. "Listen to me, Eve -- I've always believed that no matter what someone has done, they can still turn their life around -- and they deserve a chance if they do. Do you think I'm going to make an exception for my own daughter?" She reached up and cupped Eve's chin. "Trust me on this one, okay?”

Eve sighed again and nodded, her eyelids quivering. Then her face crumpled and she started to cry, slumping into Xena's arms, dropping her head on her shoulder.

"I love you ... Mother," she mumbled through big childlike sobs.

"Shh ... I love you too." Xena stroked Eve's fluffed hair and kissed the top of her head. "I love you too. It's going to be all right.”

* ~ * ~ *

After trying to find a comfortable way to lie down, Ares gave up and sat leaning against the wall, wrapping himself in the thin, worn-out blanket. In the near-darkness, which the checkered square of moonlight on the floor did little to dispel, he groped awkwardly for the jug of water and drank what was left. He was getting hungry again, but it was better to endure hunger and thirst than to ask the guards for anything. It was already bad enough to sit in this stinking jail, weaponless and chained, waiting for his girlfriend to rescue him. Of course, it was even worse to think that she might not rescue him and... He shuddered and clutched tighter at the blanket, acutely aware of every discomfort of his mortal flesh: the gnawing emptiness in his stomach, the stiffness in his legs, the hard lumps in the pallet under him, the stale and slightly acrid smell invading his nostrils, the chill of the night. His wrists were sore from the manacles, a heavy numbness seeping into his hands.

In his very long existence, he'd seen plenty of executions. He used to observe, with a detached disappointment, how some of the bravest warriors could falter when having to face the executioner's sword or rope, and disgrace themselves in their final moments -- put up a futile struggle, or blubber like children, or lose control of their legs -- or, worse yet, piss on themselves or ... his mouth tightened in disgust. He reached for the jug again and realized that his hands were shaking.

Not like this -- please, not like this. Let me die in battle, with a sword in my hands -- with her at my side. She would cradle him in her lap, a single tear rolling down her cheek, and wipe the trickle of blood from his mouth and claim his last breath in a long, sweet kiss ... Then, as if in mockery, his mind filled with far less glorious images of death in battle. As if he, of all people, didn't know how ugly it could be... With his luck, he'd probably end up with his guts ripped out or half his head smashed to a pulp. Throwing off the blanket, he got up abruptly, the floorboards creaking fretfully under his boots, and stalked to the window to take a few gulps of fresh air, as if to reassure himself that he was still alive. The stars winked at him, as chilly and distant as his former fellow gods.

Gods... It occurred to him that he could try calling on Aphrodite. Maybe she'd hear him... But no, he hadn't sunk that low, not yet. Even having Blondie save him would be less humiliating.

To think that once, not so long ago, he had been safe from ever having to worry about such things -- and he'd given it up, because ... because the thought of a world without Xena in it was unbearable. What if he'd had time to think about the consequences, back then? Would he do it over again? Ares lifted a hand to wipe the sweat that had broken out on his forehead; he had forgotten about the manacles for the moment, and flinched back when the chain hit him in the face. He wandered back to the pallet and slumped down. He tried to think of the night he'd spent with her in Megara, the feel of her kisses, the firm yet pliant warmth of her body in his embrace, the way she held his face in her hands -- only to have his imagination conjure up a vision of Xena holding his severed head. When the painful dry convulsions in his throat subsided, he thought that maybe he should ask the guards for some water after all.

Dammit -- snap out of it. He wasn't going to die. Amazon law allowed a challenger to fight the queen for the life of the condemned; Xena could kick Varia's ass five times over before breakfast. The memory of Gascar's taunt stirred in his mind, making him wince: Even if you survive, you'll never be anything more than a pathetic loser -- relying on Xena to bail you out... So he'd have to depend on her to save him, yet again; but he'd be alive, and with her, and after a few good fights he'd be able to get the bad taste of his present helplessness out of his mouth.

Taking a few deep breaths, Ares lay down again and pulled the blanket over himself. He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he heard voices outside. Her voice.

He sat up. Oh thank -- whoever.

The bolts screeched heavily, and the door swung open with a groan, and there she was. She walked toward him, holding up a lantern; its light gave her dark hair a soft golden shine and made her eyes glitter. She squatted in front of him and said, "Hey..." -- and he knew he'd do it all over again, all of it.

Putting down the lantern and the basket she carried in her other hand, Xena reached out to stroke his face, and he touched his lips to her wrist. Through half-veiled eyes, he watched her lean forward, and waited to lose himself in her kiss; but instead she pressed her cheek to his and rested like that for a moment, holding his hands, and only then tilted her head and kissed him.

When she pulled back, she said, her voice almost casual, "Here, I got you some bread and cheese and wine...”

She sat down next to him on the edge of the pallet. As he ate, Ares felt Xena's eyes on him and caught himself wondering if he looked completely pathetic -- his hands hampered by the chains, his hair messed up from all the tossing and turning, bits of straw from the pallet stuck to his vest and probably to his hair and beard, too. He glanced cautiously at Xena and saw the look on her face -- not pitying but thoughtful, almost puzzled.

"What?”

"Why did you do it?" she asked quietly.

He took another bite of bread, then sipped from the wineskin. "Do what?”

"Take the blame for Eve.”

He eyed her curiously. "What makes you so sure I didn't give those orders?”

Xena looked away. "Eve told me." Her voice was so low he could barely hear her. "Besides -- it isn't -- wasn't your style.”

Why did he do it ... he hadn't thought about it, really. It had just felt like the thing to do at the moment. Maybe it was as simple as seeing the excruciating pain in Xena's eyes, the same pain that had been there when she was looking at those crosses in the Elijan village, and wanting to make it go away. Maybe a part of him felt that he was responsible, having goaded Livia to go after the Amazons... What in Tartarus was that -- Xena's guilt complex rubbing off on him?

He leaned over to kiss her shoulder, and then looked up at her and grinned.

"Maybe I just wanted to surprise my girl.”

She shook her head, smiling, her eyes shiny.

"Besides, it's not so bad," he said. "Hey, I'm kinda looking forward to watching you kick the crap out of Varia.”

Her smile withered, and something in her face gave him a chill.

"What's wrong?”

"Not me," she said. "Gabrielle.”

Ares stared in disbelief.

"Please tell me you're joking.”

Xena slowly shook her head, keeping her eyes on his.

"Under Amazon law, only an Amazon can challenge a death sentence by fighting the queen. It wasn't this way before -- but it is now. Ares" -- she put her hand on his arm -- "I wanted to fight Varia as Gabrielle's champion, but they wouldn't let me. So Gabrielle will fight her instead.”

His dismay must have registered fully in his features, because Xena gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

"Don't worry. You've seen Gabrielle fight. You know she's good.”

Yes, she was -- but ... but somehow, hearing this news had felt like listening to his death sentence all over again. His and Xena's twin shadows swayed on the walls, huge and black, a pair of mocking ghosts; the dankness of the jail was settling into his bones. Ares grabbed the wineskin and raised it to his mouth, but his hands jerked violently, making his manacles clang and spilling the dark red liquid on his chest.

"Damn," he muttered hoarsely, trying to stop his teeth from chattering.

"It's okay." Xena turned toward him and put her hands on his arms. "You'll be okay.”

"Xena -- dammit..." He lowered his head, trying to steady his breath. Something wet fell on his hand, and for one awful moment he thought he was crying ... no, it was a drop of sweat. "Xena..." He wanted to say something but the only words that came to mind sounded -- well, they sounded irritatingly like things most likely to be said by Gabrielle. Xena -- there's so much I haven't told you yet... Xena -- this time with you has been the only time I've been really alive...

He picked up the wineskin, and this time managed to keep his hand firm and take a few sips -- and then, turning to Xena again, to shape his mouth into something like a smile.

"Well -- we had a good run...”

"Don't." Her eyes were suddenly hard, her grip on his arm so tight that it hurt. "Don't you dare give up. I won't let anyone kill you. I promise. Anyone. ”

The ferocity in Xena's voice snapped him out of his misery; not so much because he was entirely reassured about his chances for survival, but because he had picked up the part she had left unspoken: You're mine. Ares nodded, and watched her face melt back into tenderness.

"I promise." This time, her voice was soft. "You'll be okay.”

She knelt behind him and hugged him, folding her arms around his neck. Ares leaned back, breathing her in, resting his head on her shoulder; as she ran her palm over his chest, wiping off the spilled wine, he was pierced by an acute, hot shudder of desire that made him moan aloud. Awkwardly twisting his body around, he pressed his face to her neck -- gods, how maddening not to be able to take her in his arms -- and hungrily kissed the soft skin, then trailed his lips higher, shutting his eyes. She opened her lips to his kiss and held him close; but as his tongue moved inside her mouth and his hands fumbled at her thighs, he felt her tense and knew that they were not going to make love, not in this filthy jail with the guards just outside -- not when it would feel like a last, hopeless good-bye.

He drew back, catching his breath. Xena's mouth creased as if she were on the verge of either tears or a smile; finally she smiled, running her fingertips across his cheek. Then she put her palms on his shoulders and pushed him down gently until he was lying on his back, and moved around so that his head would rest in her lap.

"Get some sleep," she whispered.

He closed his eyes again, and felt the touch of her lips on his eyelids, one then the other. He didn't think he could sleep, not with his body still aching for her, not with worry about his possible doom still burrowing about his mind; but eventually the warmth of her hand on his forehead began to soothe him, making his jumbled thoughts dissolve into an almost peaceful haze.

Xena watched as his face relaxed, his eyelashes fluttering softly, his breath growing calm. After a while she whispered, "Ares"; he sighed but didn't move. She sat there a bit longer, and then tasted something salty on her lips. With a start, she lifted a hand to her cheek and realized it was wet. She jerked her fingers away. Get a grip; you just lashed out at him for giving up, and now you're going to sit here crying? There was no time to mope; she had to think of a backup plan in case Gabrielle lost to Varia.

Very carefully, she lifted Ares' head up, laid him down on the pallet and pulled the blanket over him. Then she got up and tiptoed toward the door, leaving the lantern on the floor by the pallet.

The Amazon who let her out made to slam the door, but Xena's hand shot out to catch her wrist.

"Don't wake him.”

The guard snorted and glared at her; Xena glared back, and the woman shrugged peevishly and closed the door as quietly as it could be closed. When Xena looked in through the small window, Ares was still asleep.

* ~ * ~ *

"Why are you doing this?”

Gabrielle flinched a little and bit her lip. She had expected this question when she went to see Varia, but she still had trouble answering it.

She fidgeted in her bearskin-covered chair, looking uneasily around the queen's hut. It was austere and sparsely furnished, the feathered Amazon masks on the wall and a few trophy weapons the only decorations, unless one counted a motley beaded curtain that separated the private quarters. The sun was bright outside, a slanted beam of silvery-white mist leaving a bleached patch on the brown rug on the floor. Gabrielle could hear the usual sounds of morning in the village: the squealing children, the teenage girls chattering and laughing at the well, the splash of water and the clang of the bucket and chain; and, in the distance, the shouts and grunts of warriors doing their exercises.

Shifting her eyes back to Varia, Gabrielle wondered vaguely why she had come here. To try to talk Varia out of the fight and the execution, of course... as if there was any hope of that.

The prospect of the fight unnerved her, and not because she doubted her skills. She had been awake most of the night, dozing off fitfully a few times. After Eve had fallen asleep, Xena had gone off with a curt "I'll be back," taking a food basket and a wineskin with her. There was, of course, no need to ask where she was headed. Lying in the dark under too-heavy fur covers, watching as the shimmering embers in the hearth melted slowly into black, she was past caring what Xena did with Ares in that jail. There was too much else, too much... She had lied ... or at least helped cover up a lie ... to protect Eve. No, lied -- to her own people. On top of that, she was going to fight Varia, her queen, for the life of Xena's lover, for the life of the man who was ruining her life. It couldn't get much worse than that.

Then Xena came back, and it was worse. She undressed quietly and lay down on the pelts that served as their bedding, and as they lay next to each other, Xena on her back, Gabrielle on her side with her back to Xena, the silence between them thickened into something almost palpable, a hard thing pushing them apart. After a few moments Xena turned, and Gabrielle thought she could sense her hand move closer; a clammy panic enveloped her at the thought that Xena was going to wrap an arm around her, or even touch her, and she wouldn't be able to keep from flinching. Finally the furs rustled softly and Xena turned away, settling on her side.

They had barely spoken or even looked at each other since the trial -- except for a brief moment while Eve was taking her bath, when Gabrielle frantically began to explain why she had voted guilty, and Xena nodded, staring intensely at her boots.

And now she was sitting here with Varia, meeting her expectant, irritated stare.

She couldn't possibly explain why she had to fight for Ares. She couldn't tell the truth about Eve; she couldn't say that if Ares died for Xena's daughter, he would divide them in death more than he ever had alive; nor could she give voice to her fears about how far Xena would go to protect Ares. There was only one thing she could say, and she made herself say it.

"Varia, he saved my life." She paused, and knew she couldn't leave it at that. "He gave up his godhood to save -- Xena and me." It was best not to mention Eve.

Varia's eyes narrowed warily.

"Why?”

"What does it matter?" The passion in her own voice shocked her. "We owe him our lives. I can't let him die.”

"I suppose it was because he has a thing for Xena, wasn't it." Varia snorted. "And for that -- you're willing to overlook all his crimes against our people.”

"Varia... It's -- it's not the same for gods. To them, mortal lives are -- like toys. You can't really judge him for that ... not now that he's mortal." She almost believed it, too.

"You and Xena -- you've got a good excuse for everything, don't you," Varia said. "Livia isn't what she was, Ares isn't what he was... I have to watch half of my tribe being slaughtered, and when I get a chance to avenge them -- you tell me that those who did it don't exist anymore. Oh, they're not dead -- just different." She shook her head with a bitter smirk. "I wish they'd changed before they did what they did to us.”

"But don't you see ... vengeance changes nothing.”

"It does for me. A warrior can't just let it rest, Gabrielle." She paused and looked away, her voice suddenly hushed. "I could have changed it all.”

"What do you mean?”

"When -- " Varia's voice broke off and she was silent for a moment. "When Livia's troops overran my village, my sister and I were out scouting." She turned her head to face Gabrielle again, an oddly timid look on her face. "When we came back, the battle was raging, and the Romans didn't see us. I was able to sneak up on Livia from behind, with a sword in my hand. I had the perfect chance." Her voice hardened. "I could have rid the world of Livia. But it was my first battle -- I had never killed before. And so I hesitated -- long enough for her to turn around. I'll never forget the look in her eyes.”

Gabrielle shuddered inwardly. Rid the world of Livia ... Eve ... Eve would have been dead. She didn't want to ask herself how that made her feel.

"I thought she was going to kill me," Varia went on. "Just then, Tura screamed and rushed toward me, and Livia ... Livia ran her through." She was silent again, a faraway look in her eyes, her fingers going toward a beaded bracelet on her left wrist.

Her throat tightening, Gabrielle forced herself to keep her eyes on Varia's.

"And you?" she asked in a small voice.

"I was knocked out and left behind. Maybe she left me for dead; maybe she thought it would be worse for me to live with the memory. To live knowing that if I had killed Livia, I would still have my tribe and my sister." She rose from her chair, walked to the window and stood still for a moment, looking out. Then she turned, her face now cold and set in determination. "I can't undo the past. But we can redeem it with justice.”

Gabrielle got up as well. There was no point in arguing with Varia about justice; it was, she realized, as much about Varia's own guilt as about Ares' or Eve's.

"Varia," she said gently, "it wasn't your fault.”

Varia thrust out her chin. "You're right, it wasn't my fault. It was hers. His.”

"Then stop blaming yourself...”

Gabrielle thought she saw the queen's dark eyes soften; but perhaps she had only imagined it, because in the same instant Varia raised a hand, cutting her off.

"No, you stop wasting my time. Why don't you go get ready for the fight." Her lips twisted in mockery. "See you at noon.”

With a curt nod, she walked toward the curtain, signaling that the conversation was over.

"Varia!" Gabrielle called out.

Varia stopped and gave an exasperated sigh. "What now?”

"I wanted to say that I'm not fighting for your queenship ... just -- his life.”

Varia gave her a pitying look, and then turned and disappeared behind the curtain.

A moment later Gabrielle stepped outside, raising her hand toward her face as the sunlight slashed at her eyes. Two coltish, still baby-faced girls who were walking away from the well, water spilling from their buckets and leaving a dark trail in the dust, stopped and gaped at her; one whispered something to the other, probably about her upcoming contest with Varia. Gabrielle's eyes slid over them blankly. She felt no disappointment -- she hadn't had much hope for a different outcome -- only an expected, dull sadness.

There was less than two hours left until noon.

Bracing herself for her next conversation, she headed toward the jail.

When they let her in, Ares sat up abruptly on the pallet by the wall, his face scrunched up as daylight flooded the cabin for a moment before the door closed again. After a night in jail, he looked nearly as shabby as his surroundings.

"Oh it's you," he said, his voice ragged. She realized that when the door opened, his first thought had been that they had come for him.

"Yeah." She walked toward him, twitching her nose at the smell of this place, and sat down on the floor. She wasn't quite sure how to start, and finally asked, "So -- how are you?”

He snorted. "Ask me again in a couple of hours.”

Her face burning at the stupidity of her own question, she looked down at the grimy floor and sighed. "Ares ... it was very brave and unselfish -- what you did.”

"I can't tell you how much that means to me." Then, his habitual sarcastic expression turned to an almost sheepish one. "Look, I, uh -- " he squirmed a bit -- "I do appreciate what you're -- you know -- “

She smiled in spite of herself.

"What would it take for you to actually thank me?”

"Let me get back to you on that.”

The next part was going to be difficult.

"Ares, if I win... I want to ask you to do something -- for me.”

After a short pause, he asked warily, "What?”

"I want you to promise me that when it's over -- you'll go away.”

Gabrielle forced herself to look at him. His look of open-mouthed shock darkened into a scowl.

"Go away," he repeated.

"Leave us alone." She paused and added, "I can't go on like this anymore," and then wanted to kick herself -- why did she have to explain herself to him at all? "Listen" -- she looked away again, a pleading note creeping into her voice -- "if you want to see her sometimes, I -- “

A strange sound jolted her, a clap accompanied by a metallic jangle. With a start, she turned her head and watched as Ares slowly applauded her, each clank of his chains making her flinch.

"Congratulations.”

"What -- “

"You've learned to play hardball. You know," he added with a crooked grin, "there was a time when, if you had been my student, I would have been very proud.”

She felt the blood rush to her face again, the heat spreading to her neck. "What are you talking about?”

"That little offer you just made me. I promise to clear out, you make sure my head stays attached to my shoulders.”

"It's not like that! I already challenged Varia... Ares -- dammit -- I'm just asking you!”

"And what if I say no? You could always lose, right? Listen, kiddo, you don't have to tell me how the game is played.”

Gabrielle was silent, her mind whirling. She hadn't meant it that way, really she hadn't, couldn't have -- and yet she was taking advantage of his predicament -- there was no denying that.

"Anyway, the answer is no. You're not getting rid of me that easily.”

The bastard -- when she was going against her own people to save him...

"Maybe I could always lose," she snapped. By the time she regretted those words, it was too late.

"I suppose you could. And then Xena could get upset and do quite a number on your beloved Amazons. Or you could stand by and watch them lop my head off, knowing that you let me die just because you wanted to have your girlfriend all to yourself ... oh, and to save little Evie, of course." The corner of his mouth twitched into a nasty smirk. "Ready to live with that? Here's a free tip. If you're going to blackmail someone, you'd better be prepared to make good on your threat -- 'cause, see, I don't believe you are. And even if I did..." He shrugged, the look in his eyes suddenly grave and distant. "Forget it, Gabrielle. I'm not leaving.”

Gabrielle felt an overpowering surge of disgust; whether at herself or at him, she wasn't sure. She scrambled to her feet.

"You know," she said in a near-whisper, "I didn't want it to be like this.”

He gave her a bitter, mocking look. "You think I did?”

She walked briskly to the door and banged on it so the guards would let her out. As the door swung open with a loud angry noise, she glanced back at Ares and saw him grab the wineskin next to the pallet. Their eyes met again, and for one unmasked moment she saw how scared he was. Like a fool, she felt sorry for him.

She shouldn't have come here, she thought. It was as useless as talking to Varia.

Behind her, the door slammed shut. Gabrielle stood still for a moment, wincing at the bright blue sky, ignoring the curious stares of the guards. Ares was left behind that door, locked up and sentenced to death, yet she was the one feeling trapped.

* ~ * ~ *

They marched him past the silent crowd, under the stares of hundreds of curious eyes. Back in the jail, the Amazons who had come to get him had freed him from the shackles, rather to his bewilderment, but only to yank off his vest -- it took Ares a few moments to realize, with a sickening chill, that this was done to expose his neck -- and tie his hands behind his back.

As they approached the platform, where Varia stood next to a wooden block with a long sword propped up against it, Ares saw Xena in the front of the crowd. Eve was there too; she shuddered when she saw him, and visibly fought the impulse to avoid his eyes. Xena's face was rigidly impassive, just as he had expected. He tried to smile at her but wasn't sure he managed anything other than a grimace. Then he saw Gabrielle, standing in a clear space in front of the platform next to a large yellow-and-blue circular mat. She looked like someone about to get her ass kicked. Damn -- he should have trained the girl when he had a chance.

His eyes shifted back to the platform, to the grey block and the sword gleaming painfully in the sun. The solid, inescapable reality of these objects suddenly made Xena's impassioned words the night before -- I won't let anyone kill you -- sound like ... words. These could be the last things he'd ever see in this world: this crowd of women hungry for his blood; the tops of the huts behind them, their thatched grey roofs almost white in the sun; the stupid statue of a dead goddess with its skin painted a gaudy pink and its hair a bright coppery brown. It was enough to make his knees feel weak and his mouth go dry; when he tried to swallow, his throat clenched in a spasm. Steady. Steady. He managed not to stumble as they hustled him up the steps to the platform.

"On his knees," Varia commanded quietly. The two women at his sides pushed him down, and he couldn't help grunting with pain as his knees slammed into the wooden boards. He looked up at Xena and saw her jaw quiver.

"Amazons!" Varia's voice rang clear through the crowded square. "This man -- Ares, the former God of War -- has betrayed our trust and committed crimes against our nation. He is responsible for the slaughter of hundreds of our sisters. Today, justice will be ours." She paused. "To a strong Amazon Nation!”

To a strong Amazon nation. Gabrielle's lips moved soundlessly as a disjointed chorus echoed the pledge.

She dared not look at Ares, or at Xena. She now knew for certain that Xena had a backup plan in case she failed; she wasn't sure if this made her feel better or worse.

Earlier, when Gabrielle had returned to their hut with the expected bad news on her talk with Varia, Xena had put her hands on her shoulders, looking at her with a familiar, anguished, shy tenderness, and said, "Good luck, Gabrielle" – and, even more quietly, "Thank you." Gabrielle's "I love you" froze in her throat; she nodded, trying her best to smile, and managed a strained "It's going to be okay." Xena's expression turned almost businesslike as she continued, "If you lose -- be prepared to get out fast. I'll have the horses ready." Gabrielle stared at her, horrified, and finally asked what she was going to do. "Get him out," Xena said brusquely. "I promise no one's going to get hurt, okay?" So there was a plan; but when Gabrielle pressed Xena on what it was, she hesitated, and just then Eve came in, and Xena shot Gabrielle a warning look and said again, "Good luck.”

So this plan involved something of which Eve would disapprove... well, Eve, in her present state, would disapprove of anything that meant flouting Amazon law.

"As our law allows," Varia continued, an unmistakably sarcastic note entering her voice, "a challenger has come forward to defend this man -- one of our own queens, Gabrielle." As murmurs welled up in the crowd, she pointed to Gabrielle, who, at that moment, would rather have been in the deepest pit of hell. "If she wins, Ares receives my pardon and is free to go. If I win" -- she tapped on the hilt of the sword -- "I carry out the sentence.”

She came down from the platform and walked to the circle where Gabrielle stood waiting. Then she turned toward the two Amazons standing next to Ares and added, "Blindfold him.”

The words knocked the breath out of him -- and, at least for a moment, the hope. That's it. Now it really felt like the end. The thought flashed through his mind that he was going to miss his last chance to see a good fight. Xena -- there she was -- her face tight as if she were about to cry. His heart throbbed violently. The sky -- the sky was blue ... and the pines were such a soft green ... maybe he was losing his mind. A strip of black flashed before his eyes; with a snarl, he wrenched his head away, frantic to get one more glimpse of Xena, and bit down hard on his lip to keep from calling out to her. Then his head was gripped as if in a vise, and the blackness came down over his eyes.

"Let's go!" said Varia's disembodied voice.

There was a harsh "Yah!", and the sound of flesh crashing into flesh, and then a dull thud as somebody went down -- and cheers and shouts of "Varia!" from the crowd. This was not good.

Please, Gabrielle... please. Xena winced as she watched Gabrielle get up and swing at Varia, and watched Varia dodge the blow and kick Gabrielle in the midsection, making her stumble back and nearly fall. The Amazons cheered again -- "Bring it on, Varia!" "Get her!" Gabrielle's next kick connected, but her moves were haphazard and unsure; Varia's punch caught her full in the face, making blood gush from her nose. Gabrielle... Xena closed her eyes for a moment. I'm sorry... Then she looked at Ares and saw him crane his neck, arms straining against his bonds, as he obviously tried to figure out what was happening. She would make it up to him, somehow. She couldn't afford to think about what he was feeling right now, or about how much Gabrielle was hurting; she had to focus on what she had to do next. It had to work. If only she'd had a chance to tell Ares about it...

Next to her, Eve gasped as Gabrielle was knocked down again. Xena glanced at her and lightly squeezed her daughter’s arm. If Gabrielle lost and they had to make their getaway, Eve would have to come too -- it wouldn't be safe for her to stay with the Amazons after this. Eve would hate it ... maybe would hate her for it. But there was no other way. She prayed to any god who could hear her that, if things looked bad, Eve wouldn't decide to save Ares by coming forward and making a full confession. All she'd do is get them both killed.

If only she didn't have to go through with this plan... Come on, Gabrielle -- you can do it.

Gabrielle got up and coughed, wiping the blood that dripped down her chin. Her face was burning, every muscle in her body hurt, and she was losing. Would Xena think that she might have lost on purpose? What if Ares -- if he survived -- told her about their conversation? No, he wouldn't do that ... wouldn't run to Xena to complain. But still ... Dammit – if she only knew what Xena was planning. No one's going to get hurt... Except that Ares could get hurt or killed in the escape ... or Eve ... or Xena ... and it would all be her fault because she let Varia beat her. One way or another, she would lose -- everything.

With a hoarse shout, she blocked Varia's kick. Something dark and ugly and powerful was rising inside her, swelling in her chest, pressing up against her throat; she remembered the prison yard at Mount Amaro, and Xena crawling on the ground, wounded and crippled -- remembered the moment when she picked up the sword, and threw away her long-cherished reverence for life, and went at the Roman soldiers, striking them down, hacking and stabbing at human flesh and bone -- for Xena.

Gabrielle spun and kicked, and saw Varia reel as the impact of the blow shot through her own body. She had fought by Xena's side so many times since that terrible day, shed so much blood ... had given up her own way for Xena's love ... had let the violence destroy her slowly from inside ... and for what? To have Xena carry on with Ares under her nose ... to be treated like a meek little fool who'd put up with anything for a few sweet words and tender kisses... like the meek little fool she was. Her hand shot out and she felt the hard slam of fist against face. Damn it all. Her fist flew out again, and Varia staggered and fell back, a look of shock on her bloodied face. More blood ... Varia got up and charged her, and she aimed another kick -- damn Ares for following them here -- for forcing himself into their lives -- for making Xena fall in love with him... Damn herself for being such a fool. Damn Varia for getting in the way as her life was careening to hell like a chariot with the wheels coming off. She wasn't feeling pain anymore; her body had become pure energy, the dark mass inside her driving her on as she hit and kicked and punched, again and again and again and --

"Gabrielle!”

Xena's cry pierced the air, and everything crashed to a halt. She stood still, breathing hard, suddenly aware that every breath was slicing into her throat, that her hands and feet were aching, and that there was blood, a lot of blood, splattered over her neck and chest and hands... She became aware, too, of the now-silent crowd watching her uneasily -- of Varia lying in a heap, dark strands of hair spilling on the yellow and blue of the mat that was now dotted with red -- of Xena, her face contorted in horror and pity.

"It's over," Xena said.

Varia stirred and slowly sat up; with a shaky hand, she pushed aside her hair, slick and shiny with blood. There were gasps at the sight of her face, reddened with marks that would later turn purple and blue, one eye swollen almost shut, the mouth a shapeless red splotch, as if she were wearing a very bright, grotesquely smeared rouge.

Xena watched as Gabrielle took a couple of steps toward her, her feet moving stiffly as if of their own accord, and then stopped, her arms hanging at her sides, frowning a little as if trying to figure out what was happening. She looked so small and lost.

Oh, Gabrielle...

She rushed toward Gabrielle and pulled her away, hugging her tightly, stroking the hot sweaty skin of her back, resting Gabrielle's tousled blonde head on her chest. Then she drew back and ran her fingers over Gabrielle's face, wiping off smudges of blood and dust. Gabrielle looked up at her with an almost puzzled expression, and Xena found herself blinking, eyes blurring with tears. She saw another face before her, the bright-eyed face of a funny village girl in a blue dress who said, gesturing rapidly in excitement, "You've got to take me with you... Xena, I'm not cut out for this village life -- I was born to do so much more." And there was another memory: the time they fought the Horde and Gabrielle insisted on giving water to the enemy wounded. You understand hatred but you've never given in to it, Xena had told her then. Maybe that was the moment she had truly fallen in love with Gabrielle... And now, to see her like this -- to see the girl whose light she had wanted so desperately to preserve pummel another human being in frenzied rage ... that was bad enough -- but to know that she had done this to a fellow Amazon -- while fighting for Ares...

Ares.

Oh no...

He was still on his knees -- tied up -- blindfolded -- probably not even knowing who had won --

Her eyes darted over to him. She saw the tension in his body, his chest shaken by hard shallow breaths, his head tilted as if he were trying to pick out, in the cacophony of hushed voices, something that would tell him what was going on.

Gabrielle caught her gaze and sighed.

"I should go and -- talk to Varia," she said, nodding toward the queen as Cyane and Gwyn-Teir helped her to her feet. "I'm all right.”

"Gabrielle -- “

"Go on. I'm all right.”

Ares strained to listen. He thought he had heard Gabrielle's voice, but he wasn't sure. For a moment, Xena's scream had made him think that Varia had killed the girl, or at least messed her up pretty badly, and the hollow fear he'd felt had turned to a surge of choking terror. The cheering for Varia had stopped sometime before that, but it was hard to tell what that meant; all he could do was listen to the blows -- which sounded, at that point, more like a beating than a fight -- and the grunts and raspy cries. That damn blindfold... He tried to shift his body; his knees hurt and his arms were numb, the rope cutting into his wrists, but at least the pain was a tangible reminder that he was still alive. The fight was clearly over and Varia hadn't stepped up to declare victory - that was a good sign. Where in Tartarus was Xena?

There were steps coming up the platform, getting closer. It sounded like -- Xena -- please let that be you please please --

Something touched his face -- her hand -- yes, that was her hand all right... It felt like his heart was trying to smash through his ribcage. Her fingers tugged at the blindfold, and as it came off the sun nearly blinded him but he made an effort to keep his eyes open. She was kneeling before him, his love, a little misty-eyed and beautiful, beautiful --

"It's over," she said.

He winced, still getting used to the daylight, gasping for breath. "Gabrielle won?”

Her "Yes" was strangely grim, but he wasn't about to puzzle over that. All strength seemed to have drained instantly from his limbs, and he slumped against Xena, dropping his head on her shoulder, shuddering. She drew her arms around him and pressed her lips to his neck.

"You're okay -- " There was a catch in her voice. "You're okay.”

Ares' eyes tingled treacherously as she reached down to cut the rope. His arms free at last, he clutched her in an almost convulsive embrace, closing his eyes, unable to suppress a groan. She held him, and her hair was warm on his face, and her lips and her breath grazed his neck again, and there was nothing else, no Amazons, no Gabrielle, no Eve, nothing.

Then she pulled back, gently extricating herself from his arms.

"Come on.”

She rose and extended her hand, but he wanted to do it on his own; it took a concentrated effort, and he almost stumbled but managed to stand up. She put a hand on his arm and gave him an encouraging smile.

Coming down into the square, where the crowd was starting to thin out, they were confronted by Varia. Her face was -- whoa! Blondie did that? Then he noticed Gabrielle standing behind the queen, looking as wretched as if she was the one who'd been thrashed.

"Xena." Varia's swollen lips moved with obvious difficulty, her speech slurred. "Who gave you permission to release him?”

Xena frowned. "You said that if Gabrielle won, he was free to go.”

"On my pardon." She paused to wipe the blood that had welled up again on her mouth. "I'm still the queen, Xena. Not you." For a moment she sounded less like the queen than like a fretful child. Then again, it was hard to be regal when one couldn't even speak clearly.

Xena's lip curled as if she were about to deliver a sharp retort; then she paused briefly, her eyes flickering toward Gabrielle, and said, "Sorry.”

Varia attempted a glare that came out as a squint. "Get him out of here -- now. I don't want him on our lands. Or you. You have an hour to get out.”

"All right." Xena was silent for a moment. "Varia... I'm sorry -- it didn't have to end this way...”

Varia's puffy lips trembled; when she spoke again, her voice was softer. "Xena -- I thought you were our friend.”

"I am your friend. Varia -- what you were doing wasn't right -- you let your guilt and your hatred blind you -- maybe one day you'll understand...”

This time, the silence was long and awkward. Varia sniffled and dabbed at her nose, wincing in pain. Then she said, bitterly but not quite with the same conviction as before, "Save it for some other time.”

"Yeah." Xena sighed. She glanced at Ares, then, somewhat hesitantly, back at Varia. "He's going to need his things back.”

Varia nodded toward one of the Amazons who had brought Ares from the jail. "She'll bring them to your hut.”

As the woman walked off, Xena said, "Come on, Gabrielle.”

"Queen Gabrielle," said Cyane, who was standing nearby with the other queens. "Please don't leave yet. You should stay for Eve's initiation; after all, it's from you that she received her right of caste. It wouldn't be right not to have you at the ceremony.”

Varia's one good eye glittered angrily -- Eve's initiation was obviously a sore point -- but she said nothing.

"What about Xena?" Gabrielle said. "She's Eve's -- “

"No," Varia snapped. "Xena is not an Amazon.”

Gabrielle glanced uneasily at Xena, who lowered her eyes and murmured, "It's up to you.”

To be away from Xena right now -- or to be with Xena, so soon after everything that had happened ... what would be worse? She wasn't sure. Eve ... Eve needed her; she could hold on to that.

"I'll stay," Gabrielle said, turning to the queens.

She watched as Varia walked away slowly and stiffly across the square, leaning on the arm of one of her guards. In a few moments the other queens dispersed as well. Two Amazons came over to roll up the mat.

Everyone was gone now, except for herself, Xena, Ares, and Eve -- who stood to the side, staring at the ground, hugging herself as if trying to ward off a chill -- and a few onlookers still lingering in front of the huts. The square seemed smaller somehow, without all the people. Birds chirped overhead and landed on the softly swaying furry branches of the pines behind the platform; somewhere, a dog barked, and a baby wailed, and Gabrielle wondered if all these ordinary sounds of life had been suspended during the past hour.

Xena enveloped her in a tight hug; closing her eyes, she felt Xena's cheek rest on the top of her head and, just for a instant, surrendered herself to the comfort of this embrace, as if there were nothing to divide them. In that moment, she wished she hadn't agreed to stay. Then it all came back, and the cold weight in her chest hurt worse than the bruises on her body. She pulled away.

As they started to walk back to the hut, Ares' voice behind her made her stop. "Uh, Gabrielle -- “

She turned. He shifted his feet and cleared his throat, his eyes darting this way and that, and then looked up at her and muttered, "Thank you.”

Gabrielle hadn't expected it to matter to her at all; yet, hearing him say it, she wasn't sure if she was more irritated or pleased.

"You're welcome.”

He grinned and added, shaking his head, "Looks like I missed one hell of a show.”

The wave of sickness Gabrielle had felt right after the fight rolled over her again. Dimly, she saw Xena give Ares an exasperated look and heard her say, "Let's go.”

* ~ * ~ *

"I could put some ointment on that -- “

"I told you -- I'm all right." Gabrielle leaned back, away from the touch of Xena's fingers on her swollen lip. The tepid water in the tub rippled a little, tinged pink from the blood. "I'm done, anyway.”

She got up, the water rolling down her body, a thin sheen on her bruised skin. Bruised... Her mouth rigid, Xena stepped back from the tub to pick up a sheet and hand it to Gabrielle. Bruised inside and out, for her, and anything she could say or do to make it better would only make it worse.

"Just tell me where to meet you," Gabrielle said, wrapping herself in the sheet.

"You know the lake where we camped the night before we got here? We'll wait for you there.”

We. She shouldn't have said that.

Gabrielle got out of the tub, her movements slow and deliberate. "I think I'll stay an extra couple of days," she said. "Maybe I can help Eve -- ease into things." Xena met her stare and nodded silently, and then the deadness lifted from Gabrielle's eyes as she added softly, "Xena, I will come back.”

When Xena held her close, Gabrielle's body was cool and still in her arms, her hands lingering stiffly in the air before resting on Xena's back. Finally, Xena mustered the courage to breathe "I love you," and waited forever, unbearably, until Gabrielle mumbled into her neck, "I love you too." They stood like that a while longer; then Gabrielle broke away and said, "You should go...”

"Yeah," she said. Everything was ready for their departure; Ares was outside with Argo and Dragon. "I'll just say good-bye to Eve.”

In the main room of the hut, Eve paced around, still hugging her shoulders, wearing the same olive-green outfit in which she had spent her captivity, now scrubbed clean and somewhat faded. After the initiation, it would be replaced by Amazon garb.

"Eve," Xena said softly.

Eve stopped and turned toward her, a distant, wistful look on her face.

"You're leaving?”

"Come sit with me a minute." She walked over to the cot and sat down, looking at Eve, trying to think of what to say. Why couldn't she talk to her own daughter? Eve came up and sat next to her.

"I hope you find a new life here," Xena said.

"Among people whose sisters and friends I butchered.”

Xena turned and put her hands on Eve's slender arms.

"You know you're not that person anymore. Livia is gone.”

Eve chuckled bitterly. "I'm not so sure about that.”

"What do you mean?”

"It's still inside me, Mother," Eve said quietly, looking away, and then Xena understood. While watching Gabrielle fight Varia, some part of Eve had felt fascinated by the spectacle -- as much as the rest of her had felt repelled and horrified.

"Look at me, Eve," she said urgently. "It's not what's inside you that matters -- it's what you do with it. I know you're going to do good. You'll bring back those Amazons you captured. Someday the Amazons will forgive you. Maybe you should think about forgiving yourself, too.”

Eve gave her a probing look. "Have you? Forgiven yourself, Mother?”

"Ah... good point." If only all the unforgivable things had been in her past...

"Thank you for -- everything." She paused. "I know I've been a disappointment to you...”

"A disappointment?" Xena felt raw despair, as if, no matter what she did, she couldn't claw through the wall that separated her from her daughter.

"You wanted me to have a different kind of life -- to find a way beyond killing. Instead, I've ended up..." -- she sighed -- "bearing a burden just like yours ... and adding to your own burden.”

"Eve, Eve..." How could she make her understand when she really didn't understand this herself? "You will find a way. Please believe me -- you could never be a disappointment." She wrapped her arms around Eve and pulled her close. "I love you.”

They sat together, Eve leaning on Xena's shoulder, Xena stroking Eve's hair, and they could have been any mother and child saying good-bye for a while.

"So where will you go now?”

Xena chuckled. "Wherever there's trouble, I suppose. That's how it usually works out.”

Eve sat up straight and studied her hands. Then she said, "You care about him a lot ... don't you.”

Xena cringed; it was probably inevitable that Eve was going to bring this up. She wondered what Eve actually knew about her and Ares, or about her and Gabrielle. The thought of Eve being aware of what her mother did in bed with anyone would have been vaguely alarming before; now, it was -- frightening.

"Eve...”

"It's all right." Eve looked up. "I'm completely over ... all that. It's just -- hard to understand.”

"A lot of things are.”

Eve smiled thinly. "I'm glad you're with people you love. You deserve to be happy.”

It was strange, to hear her daughter say that. She wondered if she could ever bring herself to believe it.

"Eve -- sweetheart..." She shook her head. The wall was still there, and she felt like she could beat her head against it and it still wouldn't do any good.

There was an abrupt knock on the door, and a voice that she recognized as Thanais' said, "Xena! Varia says you and Ares have to leave right now.”

"Just a minute!" Xena called out and turned desperately to Eve, brushing her cheek with the back of her hand. "I love you -- you're my greatest gift ...”

Eve's fingers closed around her wrist.

This time the knock was louder and angrier. The beaded curtain rustled and Gabrielle came out of the back room, wearing a plain brown tunic she had put on while her skirt and top were drying off; in the half-dark, with her hair wet and slicked back, she looked waifish and pale and heartbreaking. Xena sighed, helplessly patting Eve's hand, and rose from the cot.

"I'm ready," she said.

* ~ * ~ *

The initiation ceremony would start right after nightfall. It was already evening, and only a little daylight penetrated through the small windows into the ceremonial hut where the queens (except for Varia, who had retired to her private quarters) and a few Amazon elders were preparing for the ritual. The weapons laid out on the table, next to the bird and animal masks, the necklaces, and the jars of face paint, sparkled dimly in the quavering light of two small oil lamps.

Gabrielle had just finished listening to Cyane's explanation of her role in the ritual. Quite a few things had changed; thankfully, there would be no more howling at the moon -- she wasn't sure what Eve would have made of that.

"There is something else." Cyane looked almost embarrassed. "While Eve inherits your right of caste, we would like an agreement that she will lay no claim to the queenship. It's an unusual condition, but we hope you -- “

"Of course," she said quickly.

"And after the initiation, she will have to undergo a purification rite to be cleansed of her crimes against the Amazons.”

Gabrielle nodded, her mouth suddenly dry. The purification rite ... She remembered, all too well, the time when she underwent it herself -- when the demon child she had protected killed Xena's son, and her bond with Xena was almost destroyed by lies and betrayals and anger.

"That covers everything, then," said Gwyn-Teir. "You should go and prepare Eve for the ceremony.”

Poor Eve, Gabrielle thought as she rose from the bench. How confused she had to feel -- about to become part of a nation that had put her on trial for her life just the night before, that had viewed her, not unjustly, as a mortal enemy. Her mind took her back to the moment when she and Eve stood on the outskirts of the village watching Xena and Ares ride away, and when Eve said wistfully, "They look right together, don't they." She had looked at Eve in shock: the truth was that the same thought had hovered somewhere in the back of her own mind.

She wondered how long she should stay with Eve.

"Wait, Queen Gabrielle -- one more thing," Cyane said. "Since you will be initiating Eve into the tribe, you should be the one to mix the sacred ointment into the paint.”

Gabrielle gave her a puzzled look. "Sacred ointment?”

"They didn't have that back in the old days," said a grey-haired woman named Meroe, an elder of Varia's tribe. "It was a gift we got from the goddess Artemis, some twenty-five summers ago, isn't that right?" She turned to another elder, from Cyane's tribe, for confirmation. "She gave it to three of the tribes.”

Artemis? Strange... Artemis hadn't paid much attention to the Amazons, as far as she'd heard, in a very long time.

"What does it do?”

"It's meant to bring the blessing of the gods to the Amazons," said Cyane. "We use it in the most important rituals.”

"The goddess said that as long as the ointment lasted, the Amazon nation would live and prosper," Meroe said reverently.

Gabrielle wanted to point out that Artemis had been dead for over a year, and that her gift had brought little luck to the Amazons when Livia attacked them -- but then decided that it was best to steer clear of that subject. Anyway, if the Amazons believed in something that gave them strength, perhaps it was better for them to go on believing.

Cyane went over to a carved chest in a corner, opened it and took out a small, well-polished silver vase.

"All you do," she said, "is take a dab of this on the tip of your finger and mix it with the paint before you put it on Eve's face, and say, 'With this sacred ointment, I invoke upon you the blessings of the goddess Artemis.'“

Gabrielle wondered if Eve, with her Elijan faith, would object to invoking the blessings of a pagan deity. But it was just a ritual, really; an empty ritual invoking a goddess who no longer existed -- no harm in that. Eve could do that much, to make amends to the people she had wronged.

Cyane lifted the lid. The crimson substance inside seemed to emit a faint glow in the half-darkness of the hut.

In that moment, everything changed.

Gabrielle was unable to stifle a short laugh, and quickly pretended to have a coughing fit as the queens and the elders gave her odd looks.

So Ares hadn't been so crazy after all, back when he had the Furies bouncing around in his head.

The Amazons did have ambrosia.